Chips Ahoy!

What is it with you Brooklynites and chocolate all of a sudden?

Earlier this month, a freighter hauling 800,000lbs of cocoa beans tipped over (!), dunking the raw chocolate into the East River.

Now...we all know the East River isn't exactly the cleanest in the country. To say the least. But you have to wonder how a freighter manages to capsize just within sight of the pier in a major harbor, and - most importantly - what became of the chocolate?

I know there are strange people who actually fish off the East River. Which, if you're that hungry for mutagenic fish, should make for some interesting dinner table displays. Who needs candles when your fish glows in the dark, right? But now I'm wondering...did the fish that week have a distinctive cocoa flavor? Was there, by chance, a freight container of marshmellos on that ship? Cuz that would have really enhanced the water's flavor.

Going with the chocolate theme, just last week the Port Authority has refused to allow another chocolate freighter to dock. The pier operator, American Stevedoring, has - according to the Port Authority - overbooked themselves, and are asking the PA to allow the ship to dock at another port. Which they're saying no to.

I personally think they're hoping this boat will capsize too, raising the chocolate content of the East River. Then the Port Authority can start selling off bottled East River water ("it glows!") with new Choco-Power flavor, adding some mainstream appeal.

I can already see those little Ooompa Loompas in wetsuits, doing a water ballet in the chocolate river.

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do
I have a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee
If you are wise, you'll listen to me

What do you get when the water is sweet?
When fish-on-a-stick is a chocolaty treat?
Maybe this is all just a terrorist act
Using chocolate in the water so we'll be lazy and fat?

Okay that might have been...

...wait for it...

...in slightly poor taste. Hah!