Sunday, February 13, 2005

Starfish & Coffee

February 13, 2005 - Sunday

Starfish & Coffee


So. Why does having a different view on what you want this world to be, have to make you psychologically damaged?

Let's rewind. I recently had a conversation with a casual friend who, not knowing me very well, was still determined to catagorize me.

En garde, have at thee knave!

This all stems from me having recently broke up with my gf of a year, because I had the foresight to see it wasn't going anywhere long-term and wanted to end it before it turned a brighter shade of ugly. The near-argument that ensued was brought on by my annoyance that this friend was having trouble comprehending why I seem to have no desire for the "package" - the wife, the 2.5 kids, the house in the suburbs, the dog named Scruffy and the cat named Fluffy. This, she feels, is what normal human beings want so there must obviously be something wrong with me for not wanting it. The "fear of committment" argument was brought out, dusted off and placed high on the mantle - which I quickly slapped aside, kicked into the fireplace and burned to ash.

My point was that I fully admit I don't want "the Life" - but it isn't because I don't want to settle down. It's because I refuse to settle, period. So what if everyone else follows the same path? Why should I spend 3 months pay on a ring to buy a potential bride? Why should we then anchor ourselves in one place, and forget that we ever had dreams, goals, aspirations? Why does having a family - or hell, just becoming a couple - mean you have to cut yourself off from your friends, to metamorph into this amalgamated Thing? No longer a person, you're now a Couple. People no longer talk about you as an individual, you're now JohnAndMary, a hybrid creature with no resemblance to the people you used to be.

This is what "maturing" is supposed to mean in our society; it means giving up your Self to merge, to become one with the hive mind. We are the Borg, you will be assimilated. Well frag that. I told another friend once that I'm not looking for someone to settle down with, I'm looking for someone to keep dreaming with. Eagles fly free, they still spread their wings and glide on the wind, but they do so together - family and all. The nest is a comfort place, but the sky is where they really live. And I don't want to burrow underground and join the community, sorry - not me. I like the treetops, the clouds, the mountaintops. I don't care if this is a dream, a fantasy, if I'm chasing rainbows - dammit I'll keep on chasing it, and to hell with the rest of the world if they just don't get it.

If that means I keep jumping from relationship to relationship until I find another dreamer, so be it; I'd rather be alone and imaginatively free, than married and dead inside. I don't want to be the pair of caged songbirds, watching the world through a dirty window. So, in the words of the immortal Prince:
All of us where ordinary compared to Cynthia Rose
She always stood at the back of the line
A smile beneath her nose
Her favorite number was 20 and every single day
If u asked her what she had 4 breakfast
This is what she’d say
Starfish and coffee
Maple syrup and jam
Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine
And a side order of ham
If u set your mind free, baby
Maybe you’d understand
Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam

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