iPod People

February 16, 2005 - Wednesday

iPod People

I came *this* close to joining the Cult of Apple. You almost got me, Steve Jobs. And I thought Bill Gates was the antichrist, but he's much too blunt. Your deceptively seductive ways nearly drew me over to the dark side of the Force, and I very nearly became the oh-so-proud owner of an iPod Shuffle.

Back, ye demon of the abyss! Away with thee, hellspawn!

As I walked past a Circuit City this evening, annoyed at my inability to track down an iShuffle which for some inexplicable reason I was desperately hungry to own, I felt an odd tug on my soul. "Come inside" a voice said, fairly mysteriously. "Come inside, and seek your heart's desire!"

"Really? There's a table with Anna lying nude with a sushi buffet spread across her for me to eat?"

A quick (and unnecessarily painful!) metaphysical slap upside the head, and I found myself inside Circuit City looking over their MP3 players. Would this be where I find my preciousssss? Finds it, we must! Yesssssss, needs it, my preciousss!

Then did the light of the Lord shine down from the Heavens, and lo and behold what did I see?

A Sandisk 1.0G Digital Audio Player.

WTF? Where's my glistening white iPod? They had sleeves for them, skins for them, speakers for them...but no iPod to be found! I want my Shuffle, dammit!

Pouting, I read over the specs for this...this...imposter of a device.

Digital FM Tuner with 20 presets. Voice recorder. Plays MP3 and WMA formats. Includes carrying case with armband, earphones and software. USB 2.0 port. Full digital audio control. Backlit LCD display. Runs for 15 hours on 1 AAA battery.

And: I did not need to use the provided software. Open My Documents, click on the music you want, drag and drop. Done.

"Hah!" I cried. "And what ransom are they asking for this miracle mechanical marvel? $300? $500?"

I spied the price tag. $159.99.

Can you hear it? The angelic choir? "AAA-aaa-AAAA-aaa-AAAhhh!" It brought a tear to my eye, it was so beautiful to behold.

I fell in love with this silvery holy creation. I did not need to become one of the Pod (iPod) People. I could reject the Apple Nation, and be proud of my PC-ness once again!

Hallelujah and amen!

But...was it a scam? Would it prove to be a lie, all of it, just a seductive doppleganger teasing me with it's inferiority, leaving me - in the end - wanting the sacred Shuffle all the more?

I brought it home and instantly plugged it into my USB port. "New found hardware!", my PC cried. "Your device is now configured and ready for use", it assured me!

Oh the joy!

Lovingly I loaded Windows Media Player, purposefully ignoring the Installation Disk my player came with - MusicMatch software embedded within. A popup! "Would you like to synch this USB device now?" it asked, quite pleasantly I might add.

"No", I replied. "I would like to do it manually."

"As you wish" it said, smiling it's pleasure at my choice. My Choice!

I browsed my music files. I Added Them To My Synch List. And when I was done, I Synched.

And it was Good.

And Lo and Behold, there was a Light - and My SanDisk Digital Audio Player was filled with the light of the MP3, and it also was Good.

And the Lord, Me, was Pleased.

So: I say, Get Thee Behind Me, Apple-Satan!

I am a PC user, untainted by the bleached sterile mark of the Apple-Beast.

Amen.