Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Attack, Or Just Another Case of Robot Love?

You may recall from a little while back, I'd written about a robot who trapped a lab assistant for hours because it loved her and didn't want her to leave.

This is only the beginning, folks. The apocalypse is near. The day of the robots is upon us! Where's John Conner when you need him?!

From a Swedish newspaper:
"A company must pay fines of 25,000 kronar because it has been deemed responsible for the [robot attack].
"I have never heard of a robot who beat a man in this way," said prosecutor Leif Johansson.

In June 2007, a man who is employed at a factory in BĂ„lsta north of Stockholm took a look at a malfunctioning robotized machine. The machine was used for lifting heavy stones. When the man went into the building he thought that he had cut the power to the machine but he had not. Instead, the robot was activated and forcibly grabbed the man's head. He managed to defend himself, but received serious injuries on the body.

"The man was very lucky. He had four broken ribs and was almost killed," said Leif Johansson."

A few things here.

1. A fine of 25,000 kronar?! Seriously folks, that's like $3000 in US dollars. A robot went nuts on company property and damn near killed a man, and they only got fined three grand. I'm starting a business up in Sweden, because I'll be saving a bundle just on the insurance I won't need to buy.

2. I'm obviously missing something, because how does this industrial robot, made for picking up large rocks (and....doing what, exactly, with them? Play marbles?) GRABBED HIS HEAD. And he had four broken RIBS. The last time I looked, my ribs were not located anyplace remotely close to my skull. So unless they're breeding some seriously freakish mutants in Sweden, this is pretty damn fishy.

3. Forgetting the anatomy lesson, I'm still confused; so what if the power was on. What would prompt the robot to "suddenly" activate on its own accord, to grab the man at all? Had he been rolling around in mud all afternoon, and the robot assumed it was a man-shaped boulder? What is the robot supposed to do with the rocks anyway?

I'm thinking...this man is a bot molester. This poor, sickly robot was taken to him for care and maintenance...and he tried to abuse it, thinking it sedated. The robot woke up, saw the perverted things being done to it (I'll let you use your own imagination) and reacted appropriately - which is why the courts gave such a paltry fine to the company. The man had to agree to the cheap payoff, or risk everyone knowing:

He's a robot fucker.

(video embedded)

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