Monday, March 07, 2005

DestructoPods

Destructo-Pods!

Hah!! I warned you! I warrrrrrnnnnnned you allllllllllllll! Those iPods are evil!!!

Case in point. Walking past Stef this morning, and she'll kill me for this but hey - it's a long line, I've got time! - she mentions, oh-so-casually...

"My iPod blew up!"

!!!!!

Oooooookay. "What do you mean, blew up?"

"Yeah", she says. "Blew up. Just like (insert attorney name here)".

!!!!!

"Um. This is news."

Apparently iPods have a *minor* tendency to do things like, oh, lock up and stop working. Apple people don't seem upset by this. The response I got was "I'll just send it back and get a new one."

Now...PC people would be rioting outside Bill Gates' house right now if...okay forget I said that. We still buy every edition of Windows even though we know it's still in Beta testing, and we're the Beta Suckers paying for it.

We'd be bitching pretty damned loudly about it, tho'!! .

But you Apple people...it's like they give you free qualudes with every purchase. "Hey man, it's all good...be at one with the Pod, baby!"

Freaks.

And now they're being proven out to be the Antichrist I always knew they were. Forget Bill Gates and Microsoft, he was the obvious monster - the Leviathan of Revelations. I knew the Antichrist was still out there...and now I have proof! Others are rallying to my cause!

A lawsuit has just been filed by an individual against Apple because, and I quote: "Apple has unlawfully bundled, tied, and/or leveraged its monopoly in the market for the sale of legal online digital music recordings to thwart competition in the separate market for portable hard drive digital music players and vice-versa."

Personally I think the guy is stupid. Watch, he's going to have an "accident", disappear, and no one will question why.

Cuz the Pod People protect their own. Ooooooooo-eeeeeeeee-ooooooooo. Spooky stuff.

Remember, true believers - you heard it here first!

(oh...wait...no...don't remember that. I said nothing! Really! Don't report meeeeeeee....!) .

(Update: further proof that there is a Cult of iPod People trying to take over the world. Another co-worker warned me to keep my Sacred Sandisk media player hidden from her boyfriend, because she just bought him a - yes, you guessed it - an iPod Shuffle. And she doesn't want him to know, quote, "that there is something better out there."

Sounds a lot like the Catholic Church in medieval times, doesn't it? Hahaha sorry I had to throw that one in there. Forgive me father for I have sinned. A lot.)

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