Water Water Everywhere And Not a Drop to Drink

In preparation for the StreetWars game coming up next week, I realized I needed one key component. A watergun.

Odd that I didn't already have one, but hey - I'm 37. Why would I actually keep a watergun at hand? (those who know me - keep quiet!) So, I had to go shopping for one. In September.

Yeah, you parents out there know where I'm going with this. This is post-summer season; there ARE no waterguns out there to be found! Toys R Us, the supposed mecca of all things fun, had barely a corner shelf dedicated to whatever rejected aqueous projectors were left. The Superman shield soaker is a popular one left behind, but what need would I have of a bright red "S" emblazoned squirter that any sensible person would see a mile off?

No, I needed stealth. In a flash of brilliance I stuck with the superhero influence (forgive me, DC!) and Made Mine Marvel - a Spiderman "triple blaster" web shooter. It's essentially a water tube that straps onto your wrist, with a finger trigger hovering over your palm. Press the trigger, and "twipppt!" you're firing a triple stream of webbed water fun!

It was a good idea, in theory - but I gotta tell ya, this thing sucks. An absolute P.O.S., yes indeedy doo! The strap is obviously made for the effeminate male offspring of anorexic/bulimic models (an oxymoron), as it barely fits around my wrist. The water canister is bulky and leaks like a sieve; I'm considering making a rubber O-ring to make a better seal, and coating it with sealant.

Oh, and it shoots for shitte. Three streams the thickness of fly piss shoot out over a 10-foot length. I've spat further.

I also got in my ebay order for a keychain model Super Soaker, a Lilliputian-sized copy of the full sized green and purple classic giant super soaker cannon. Perfect as a "holdout blaster" (props to my Star Wars buddy-fans), right?

I wish. It leaks worse than the CIA, holds about a thimble of water, and still requires that annoying pump action in order to shoot. To it's credit, it will shoot that single stream of water a good 20-25 feet - so it may end up doing its job as a stealth weapon, except I'm only going to get one shot before I'm empty.

But wait, there's more!

Six Flags has a product line of toys out. Yes, as in "Six Flags Great Adventure", the theme park kings of the country. They wowed me with the Six Flags Hydro Blast Morpher. Hydroblast. Morpher. Ooooooooo!

Essentially it's 4 (count 'em, FOUR) guns in one. One large cannon, one medium gun, and two tiny pistols. What's the catch? They MORPH, baby!

Well, not really "morph". They combine ("Red Lion, Go!"). The large cannon has slots that the other three fit into, and firing the large cannon will simultaneously fire the other three - for one Mega Hydro Blasting Morphing Time ("...go go Power Rangers...")

Except. The big cannon sucks. I mean, sucks. Maybe I need to fill it up more and play with it a bit, but I could piss further than this thing shoots. The tiny pistols are handy, because they're bigger than the keychain soaker I have but small enough that they'll fit in a jacket pocket - perfect with this cooler weather we're having. They also shoot decently, maybe about a 15-foot range. And with two of them I can make like Neo, bouncing off walls while firing upside down. The medium cannon might be good for drive-bys, I'll have to play with it a bit more to see.

This weekend, I have to go pick up the rules and my target's dossier. I'll keep you all posted.