Thursday, July 31, 2008

Hate The Game

Okay, so since I drunkenly brought the subject up, I should run with the ball anyway and address...playahood.

I've been at times (and I think very unfairly) called a playah. Usually by guys who think the simple act of being able to speak to a strange (i.e. previously unknown, not freaky) woman qualifies me for the position.

More importantly, very few women have slotted me into that category (to my knowledge). So...this brings up the issue of what, exactly, is a Playah?

Guys view it as a double-edged sword, don't we? No one really wants to be defined as one, but hey - if you're gonna call me one, well why should I be upset? It's a badge of honor, it raises your standing in the male hierarchy. It places you at the opposite end of the spectrum from The Loser, which in anyone's definition is something you do NOT want to be close to being.

But women...I don't know a single female who says the word playah with any degree of admiration or kindness. It's spat at you, with venom; at least the Loser is only looked on with disdain, if looked upon at all. The Playah is lower than The Loser, akin to The Scumbag, The Douchebag...

You get the point.

So what does the digital community have to say about it?

From Yahoo! Answers:

(Female): "being a player is not a good thing that is just someone who sleeps with alot of people and has no regard for that persons feelings and is looking for no commitments whatsoever so my advice if you come across a player run run as fast as you can."

(Male): "Playah implies creating physical intimacy and intensity that is contrary to the expected level of emotional, communicative, and other common supports."

(Female): "A playa is someone who has sex with multiple partners and is obviously a doofus. Makes me think of guys with chains. "

From AssociatedContent.com (a male writer):

"If I had to define the term, I think I would define it as related to a male who is portraying himself as wanting an exclusive long term relationship. But in reality, he is only out for some sex and will be trying to do the same thing to multiple women at once without the others knowing about it. It seems that a player is undesirable from a woman's viewpoint."

From Suite 101, a dating guide (a female writer):

"Players hate making plans because they feel something better may come along. They may hesitate to give you an answer until they get closer to the date and can safely say they have nothing better going on. Or, they simply refuse to commit and leave you hanging until the last possible minute."

"Players leave a trail of people behind them. Sometimes these folks can’t get the hint and try and hook up with your partner again, or sometimes they’ve been burned so bad they immediately become angry upon seeing your partner. Your partner may fail to introduce these folks, but even if he or she does they may ignore you or treat you poorly. If your new love seems to know a lot of "friends," and they’re all of the opposite sex, take note."

From DatingCanSuck.com (a male writer):

"While chatting online to some friends (and yes they are just friends), as i was talking to more than one, my 13 year old son said to me, “dad, you are a player”. This was a bit of a shock to me. It is true that I do date a variety of ladies, and some non ladies, LOL. However when I want to date just one person I do so. Anyway, I have never considered myself a player."

Okay, so this was pretty inconclusive. The only bit of continuity is that being a playah involves dating a lot; the jury still seems to be out on whether you have to actually sleep with those women or not to earn the title.

So, lacking any kind of public definition - I figure hey, let's turn to the experts at BecomeAPlayer.com, and see what they have to say how How To Become A Playah!

I gotta tell ya...I didn't even know where to begin with this website. It's like being 10 with a pocket full of cash, and being alone in a giant candy store. This thing has everything from advice to rules on playahood, to seduction tips...it's Cosmo for Men.

Of course, the best place to start: The Players Rulebook. Cuz if we're going to define a playah, we should get into the mindset, right? I won't repeat them all, but picked a few of note:
SMILE. Remember to smile constantly; while your talking, while your listening, while your doing just about anything. I can not stress this rule enough, smiling is the most powerful weapon in any player's arsenal. It let's the women know that your probably a fun guy to be around and someone they would like to know or be involved with. This single rule alone can improve your success with women by over 100%, use it wisely. Smiling builds comfort and rapport with women, which are both necessary aspects of seduction and will be your downfall if they are neglected. However, don't overdo your smiling and walk around like your face is stuck that way, it's creepy. Smile enough to be viewed as approachable and likeable, but only in appropriate amounts.

Okay, I'm guilty of this, sure. See someone cute, you smile - you don't have to approach, or say anything, but yeah it gives notice that I think you're cute, and if you return the smile and look back, I'll know you're interested.
While gaming a woman, constantly repeat her name, it will be like music to her ears. For example "Stop trying to seduce me, Jill... I know what you're up to!" instead of "Stop trying to seduce me... I know what you're up to!" To further amplify the potency of this technique, you can even pet name your target, which will create a stronger connection between the two of you and allow you to "stake your claim" on her indirectly.

Ouch. Guilty as charged. Yes, I have and still do this. I didn't realize it was a playah-technique. I'm ashamed.

Okay not really. But I feel like I should be, given the subject.
Always compliment women and they will always feel good about you, but don't overdue it or they will think your just trying to score points (which you are, but you don't want them to know that). Try to sound sincere and give her a unique compliment that most people will overlook. Once you've gotten comfortable with complimenting women in general, the next step is to begin giving them negative compliments (negs) in order to disqualify yourself as someone that is trying to pick them up. By doing this, you will have a non-threatening presence from then on and will be able to game her from a much more powerful position. The basic form of a neg is a positive followed by a negative, for example "I like the color of your shirt, but it fits a little funny on you... is it too small?"

Oy vey. Do you hear that whistling sound? It's my cred dropping from the sky at 5,000mph. What's wrong with complimenting them? And yes, I DO give honest criticisms mixed with compliments when asked...isn't that just being a friend? Damn.
Never say "How about giving me your number?". Always use something like "I'd like to talk to you again, is there a number I can reach you at?". This always produces much better results because she must avoid saying "no" or she will sound stupid because that will mean there is not a number she can be reached at. It also makes you more original than every other idiot that asks for her number. Another great approach is to simply hand her your cell phone and tell her (don't ASK her, tell her) to put her number in it. The first example is an open-ended way to ask for her number, while the second is a forceful way to get her number. Both are equally effective so experiment around with them to find out which you prefer using
.
Hah! See, I'm NOT evil! I don't ask for numbers, I give mine instead! This way they're not put off, and if they're interested enough they'll return the favor, saving me the effort...of...um. Of having to ask for it. Hmm. Can someone please, um, take this shovel out of my hands before I dig the hole any bigger?
Quit worrying about what to say next and focus your attention on listening. She will give you leads as to what she would like to talk about, in essence, telling you want to say next. For example: you say "How are you doing?" she says "I got a 50 cent raise today, but then I got a flat tire on my way home from work, so I guess I'm doing ok". She just gave you two leads that hint at what she is willing to talk about, all you've got to do is pick one. You can either choose to stroke her ego: "Cool, you probably deserved the raise" or tease her "Well, how did you earn the raise (while staring directly at her tits and smiling playfully)".

See now, this is just wrong. Listening and paying attention is wrong now?! Come on, dammit! This is unfair! I'm being mislabeled! Miscast! Mis-something, fuck!

Okay. So maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

These are not the droids you're looking for. We can go about our business. Move along, move along.

No comments: