Snitch For A Cause

Sometimes I feel so left out of the loop, ya know?

Take the Business Software Alliance, for instance. I had no clue they existed. They are, according to their web site, "the foremost organization dedicated to promoting a safe and legal digital world."

Wow.

"BSA is the voice of the world's commercial software industry before governments and in the international marketplace."

I mean, seriously. Color me impressed. Forget FEMA, Homeland Security, Interpol, the UN. This is BIG! And of course, their big topic du jour is:

Piracy. Arrgh, matey!

According to their "Define The Line" strategy (I'm not making this up), piracy is wrong! Bad dog! Wrong wrong wrong!

"According to a study conducted by IPSOS Public Affairs, only 32 percent of students are paying for software most of the time. That leaves 68 percent of students who are potentially using commercial software illegally."

That's so cup-half-empty. I see it as 68 percent of students too stupid to know they could have gotten their software for free. Educate them, people! Fight the power! Power to the people, software for everyone!

I'm all about the hippy free love explosion, I am. But then I saw...they have a page WHERE YOU CAN REPORT OTHER PEOPLE!!! FOR MONEY!!

OMFG. This is so Orwellian, I think I'm about to cream my shorts. Rat on your friends, earn cash. It's absolutely brilliant in it's simplicity.
These are the choices they give you:

1) END-USER
I am reporting an organization using pirated software on its own computers. (You may be eligible for a reward.)

2) DISTRIBUTOR
I am reporting a company that distributes pirated software &/or computers with pirated software.


3) INTERNET
I am reporting piracy that involves software offered through the World Wide Web, FTP, e-mail, bulletin boards (BBS), chat (IRC, ICQ, etc.), news groups, or any other unauthorized distribution of software using the Internet.

Even if I were about to use options 2 or 3, do you really think I'd do so when I see they're offering CASH MONEY to people willing to snitch on their own companies!? Screw that FTP site crap, I'm getting my company involved and reporting their fat-cat asses!

I click on option 1. Naturally. This is what I get:
"Thank you for choosing to report software piracy. It's the right thing to do, and it can be "rewarding" - BSA is offering Rewards of up to $50,000 for qualifying reports. (emphasis added)

To learn about our Reward Program and to make your report, click here or call our hotline at 888 NO PIRACY.

Not interested in participating in the Reward Program? Click here to skip directly to the Reporting Form. "

Fifty. Fucking. Thousand. Dollars. Why are they even asking me if I'm not interested in the reward program!? What, do people just get off on snitching that much, that they'll turn down 50k American buckaroos?

Excuse me, would you? I've got some phone calls to make.