If a Chord is Struck in the Forest...

This weekend is the New York Air Guitar Regional Championships. I'm trying to decide how I feel about this event, and may actually spend the $15 at the Knitting Factory to see this nonsense for myself.

Okay, that's not true. I'm not paying $15 to watch some mop-head pretend to stroke a guitar that isn't there - Emperor's New Clothes this ain't.

I seriously thought this was a joke, until I did some digging. The winner of this fake-fest then goes on to the US Championships in June; the US Champs then go on to Finland (!) to compete in the World Championships.

They actually judge these things. I'm wondering, since it's an air guitar - are the judges deaf? Cuz it's not like they need to hear the music, right? Do you have to be someone in the industry, in order to judge a silent music contest? What criteria do they use to screen judges? Are any of them skilled air guitarists of some renown, themselves?

Could you see, say, Jimi judging one of these things? I bet he'd get annoyed after about the third poser and walk out of the venue.

The US Air Guitar Championships obey the rules set forth by the Air Guitar World Championships:
- Each performance is played to one minute (60 sec.) of a song chosen by the competitor or organizers
- The 60 seconds can start anywhere in the song
- The instrument must be invisible and must be a guitar, i.e. air drums are not permitted
- Air roadies are allowed, but they must leave the stage before the performance begins
- Back-up bands (air or real) are not allowed

The instrument. Must. Be. Invisible. Because god forbid you should use a real guitar in an air guitar contest.

WTF is an air roadie? Invisible playmates? How do you know if they've actually left the stage? Is there someone wearing infra-red goggles, to make sure these air stagehands aren't really standing around, helping the performer fake his act?

Because that, apparently, would be cheating.

For those of you who might be interested in the music of air guitar-ing, there's a CD on sale on eBay, here.

Rock on, dudes.