Secrets of the Universe Finally Revealed!

Yes that's right folks, you heard it here - the mysteries of the cosmos, the thread that binds the very fabric of our reality is finally decoded!

Have we deciphered the human genome? Feh, such trivialities! Incontrovertible proof of the existance of God? Hah! Novice research!

No, my friends; what scientists have discovered will have repercussions far into the future, long after you and I have passed on from this world. What mystery, you ask, could be so monumental?

We've finally figured out how bees fly! Stop the presses!


Can you believe this little bugger (pun intended) has stymied the scientific world for AGES, as we've struggled in vain to analyze and mimic the flight of the bumblebee?

The bee, people.

Someone...please, please tell me why we don't get to choose where our tax dollars go? Wait, don't answer, I know why - because if I got to choose, I'd damn well make sure not a single penny of my money went towards extensive research into how bees fly!!

Sheesh.

This was in the news article on it, as one of the justifications why this can be important: "The scientists said the findings could lead to a model for designing aircraft that could hover in place and carry loads for many purposes such as diaster surveillance after earthquakes and tsunamis."

Bull. Shit.

Hey, um...don't we call those aircraft HELICOPTERS?! Or how about the VTOL aircraft we ALREADY FRIGGIN HAVE!?!? Arrrghhh!

Cuz, you know, a flap-wing aircraft is gonna make ME feel a lot safer; nothing like a large aircraft, bobbing up and down like a bumblebee, with those wings vibrating up and down beating at me, to make me feel secure.

Welcome to 2006, folks.