Fleet Week

Man, I haven't seen this many guys in white outfits since that one late night in the woods in Georgia...

Kidding, of course.

Memorial Day weekend is traditionally the start of Fleet Week here in New York. Hosted nearly every year since 1984, Fleet Week New York is the City's celebration of the sea services. This annual event also provides an opportunity for the citizens of New York City and the surrounding Tri-State area to meet Sailors, Marines and Coast Guardsmen, as well as witness first hand the latest capabilities of today's Navy, Marine Corps and Coast Guard Team.

Fleet Week will include dozens of military demonstrations and displays throughout the week, as well as public visitation of many of the participating ships.

I'm all for giving the boys in...white...a chance to shine for the public. Heigh-ho, sailor, and a great job you're all doing! Mazel-tov!

But.

I hate all you goddamned tourists and uniform-whores who clog up the streets of Manhattan, trying to get a glimpse of a Navy man in his dress whites. Trying to maneuver Times Square was like dodging rebel gunfire in Bosnia. Everywhere I turned there were pasty-pale people in flip-flops carrying Canon cameras, gathering sailors IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMNED SIDEWALK for a picture.

And you people NEVER just click the fucking button, do you? It's always an event, trying to pose everyone and make sure you're all in the picture. Who cares, you don't even know these guys! So WHAT if someone's head gets cut off, there's another group walking down the block right now!

Let's not even talk about the uniform whores. Usually it's just them trying to suck up to the NYPD, especially the horse-mounted patrolmen. They're usually single women in their late teens to late 20s, who suddenly can't find their way two blocks to their hotel and cluster around the nearest police officer for directions that seem to take a half-hour to understand.

Now they've turned their attention to the sailors, and look out because they've got cameras and they're not afraid to use them!

Although for the sailors it's like pennies from heaven. They don't even have to get them drunk, get them to pass out and take advantage of them; these women are actually WILLING. Imagine that. All the fun of a military academy without the hearings that tend to follow afterwards.

I'm such a cynic.

Look, I don't mind Fleet Week. Just do me a favor, would you?

MOVE!