Movie Review: Poseidon

Josh Lucas is NOT Gene Hackman. I don't know if that's good or bad; for you women, I'm sure it's good. I'm sort of neutral on the subject.

The story is simple. A luxury cruise ship, on New Year's Eve (well technically New Year's Day) is caught off guard by a rogue tidal wave of tsunami proportions. The wave broadsides the ship (why they tried to turn away from it instead of pointing the bow into the swell...) and flips it, sending everyone topside into the water and suddenly the hull is floating above the water.

Our heroes and heroines must race against the invading water and the sinking ship to make their way to the bottom, now the top, in order to escape through the propeller tubes. Not much has changed between this remake and the original "Poseidon Adventure", except the focus of the movie.

The original was all about characters. Gene Hackman, Shelly Winters, Ernest Bourgine, Red Buttons, Roddy McDowell...you came to know and love (or hate) these people as they made their way through the ship, overcoming obstacle after obstacle. When we watched someone die, we did it with a heavy heart.

I can't say the same for this movie. The people are too plastic, too plain in character; there's no personality, no flair, save Kevin Dillon's "Lucky Larry" - who is just as cheesy as his name implies, but at least he had a pulse.

None of that, however, matters; you won't care that you don't know, or like, these people because you're too caught up in the escape to notice. Unlike the first movie this version is all about action, action, action! From the moment the wave hits you feel as if the characters are on a clock; you can feel the tick tock tick tock of the countdown as they rush from duct to pipe to ladder to hall, trying desperately to outrace the surging water that literally follows on their heels.

You know this ship is going down, and the characters know it too. Josh Lucas' gambler is a man on a mission, rolling the dice in a last-ditch effort to save himself. The fact that there are people along for the ride is incidental, although at some point you will find yourself wondering why this man who cared nothing for anyone at the beginning of this trip now suddenly gives more than a damn about a woman (and her kid) he really only wanted to get into his bed.

There's also a very obvious Armeggedon moment involving Kurt Russell; I won't give it away, but you'll know the scene I'm talking about and I guarantee you'll sit there and ask "hey, haven't I seen this scene someplace before?"

Then, like me, you'll forget about it and just enjoy the visual ride.

The ending is corny and too convenient, the characters have no depth, and there's definitely one scene involving Josh that will have the ladies swooning and the men going "oh kiss my ass!"

But you won't care. Because it's that fun to watch.

The Trickster gives it a 4 out of 5.