40 Questions

I don't know why I fill these things out, but what the hell right?

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Yeah, those bastards.

2. Do you close your eyes on a roller coaster?
Why, I'd miss all the fun!

3. When's the last time you've been sleigh riding?
Ah've naugh bin onna sleigh in many a year, laddie!

4.Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Depends. Do they snore? Is there B.O.?

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
More importantly, do THEY believe in ME?

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
I define it, baby!

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
If the glove don't fit, you should'a convicted the bum anyway!

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Uptight "America's Sweetheart" or kinky sex kitten? Hmm, tough choice...

9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
You don't have the security clearance to know everything I know. And technically neither do I, but I have well-placed friends. So there.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes. Yes I do. But I'm really getting sick of this Texas Hold'Em fanaticism.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
At that point, who's actually counting?

12. Did you just make up Question 12 just now because it was missing?
Wow. This question feels so existential.


13. Do you hate midgets?
No, I have this recurring dream where I'm in a massive sexual orgy with dozens of them.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run the red light?
Depends on where I am. Damn traffic cameras.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Ohhhh yeah. Shh.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
I bleed pinstripes. Bizzatch.

17. Have you ever Ice Skated?
Yes I Have Ice Skated. Why Are We Talking In Robot Voice?

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Usually, every morning. ?!?!?

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
I have to think about that one. Can I phone a friend?

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
I tried, got bored, quit. No.

21. Do you despise the person that absentmindedly left out Question 21?
Another existential question. Do I hate someone I don't know, for doing something I didn't know that they did? Yeah, fuck that bitch.

22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in lust at first sight.

23. Do you know who Ba-Ba-Booey is?
Is he related to Bo-Bo-Bobobo? (Betcha Howard doesn't get that joke)

24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes.

25. What talent do you wish you had?
I once heard that John Holmes could tie his penis in a knot. I don't want that talent, that's for sure.

26. Do you like Sushi?
Tastes great, less filling.

27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
Let's think about this one. If you narrowly avoid a FATAL accident, doesn't that imply that you were actually in a near-fatal accident? I mean, how else would you know it could have been fatal?

28. What do you wear to bed?
...wear...?

29. Have you ever been caught stealing?
Define "caught". I've been found out, held - but not kept. Does that count?

30. Does size matter?
If it echoes, I'm not going in there.

31. Do you truly hate anyone?
I'm ashamed to say yes, and if I were to see this person today I'd likely end up in jail.

32. Rock and Roll or Rap?
Joan Jett said it better than I ever could.

33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
I have slept with a famous person. But then she woke up and had me arrested for breaking and entering, criminal trespass...

34. Do you know anyone in jail?
This implies a current incarcerated status, in which case to my knowledge: no.

35. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror like your favorite singer?
Nope. But then, my favorite singer is Prince. And that would be just too embarrasing.

36. Do you know how to play chess?
Knight to Bishop, check.

37. What food do you find disgusting?
Stinky tofu. And you asians out there know exactly what I'm talking about - anything that smells that bad and that strongly that I can smell it before it comes out of the kitchen, should not elicit a response of "mmm-mmm good!"

38. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
Yep. 6th grade. Almost got me expelled :)

39. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Behind their back, in front of them, next to them...

40. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
On occasion

41. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yep.

42. When was the last time you threw up from drinking too much?
About a year ago. Here's a tip: don't starve yourself all day, go out for sushi, then hit a bar where you know the bartender and they start making up drinks for you all night. Ugh.