Officer, I Need It To Measure My Coffee Sugar

I'm a gadget nut. I'm a guy, it almost goes with the territory - but I like finding odd little gizmos that inexplicably people line up to buy. However, there often comes along something that boggles the mind.

This little piece of 80's retrocity (is that a word? Who cares. My new name is Webster.) is called a WatchScale. It's a scale...for your wrist. For portable scaliness. Because I often have a need to measure the weight of things when I'm on the move.

I love the product page for this thing. Here is how they describe the "Key Benefits":

The first Pocket WatchScale® ever!
Because there was SUCH a void that needed filling here.
It's amazingly small, the smallest digital scale ever made (2008)
I'd have said "stupidly small", but hey, that's me...
Reads in Grams, Ounces, Troy Ounces & PennyWeight
That's good news for our friends in the UK, since I don't think anyone else actually uses a "pennyweight"
Protective-Cover doubles as an Expansion-Tray
...and why does it need a tray?
Stylish Leather Wrist-Band
I don't care if the band says Dolche, nothing could make this monstrosity "stylish"
Bright-Blue Back-lit LCD Display
Because when you're measuring things in the dark, this is really helpful
Your friends will gawk and say 'Holy cow!' when they see this amazing invention
More likely your friends will laugh and call you a geek.

Now...here's the thing. Because with me, there always is. I've been mulling this over and over in my brain, and I've come to a singular conclusion.

Is there anyone OTHER than drug dealers that would use something like this?

Seriously, isn't this like hi-tech for cocaine traffickers? "Hey man, lemme get a gram..." "Sure, let me whip out my handy Pocket WatchScale® and spoon out a perfect gram-size vial for you!"

What the hell would ANYONE else need this Dick Tracy-esque gizmo for?

Old women, measuring out their Equal for their morning tea?
Chemists who like to see what happens when they mix two powders while sitting on a plane?

How does a commercial for this product go? What do we get, some lab tech in a white coat, bemoaning the fact that his table-top scale is sooooooo far away on the other end of his work counter? "Oh lawdy, if ONLY someone made a smaller, more portable scale that I could carry with me alllllll the way over here?"

Cut to: a sudden flash, and a guy in a superhero caped costume appears. "Never fear, NerdGuy is here!" He flashes his wrist, and ta-da! There's a Pocket WatchScale®, ready for the lab tech to use!

"Thanks, NerdGuy!"

Somehow, I think this commercial would sell a lot better if they were just honest.

Scene: a dark alley in an urban neighborhood, deep in the inner part of a major metropolis. A car pulls up to a guy leaning against the wall. "Hey man...lemme get a couple of grams."

The dealer looks around, nods; walks up and hands the guy a vial. The driver looks skeptical. "Hmm. How do I know you're not shortin' me, bro?"

The dealer grins, snaps his wrist - and shows the guy his Pocket WatchScale®! "Check this out, hombre!", and weighs the vials on the scale.

The driver squints. "Man, I can't see JACK! It's too dark!"

The dealer winks. "Check this shit out!" and presses a button, lighting up the display with the handy LCD backlight.

The driver nods, smiling. "Fucking A, man!", and drives off happy.

Fade to black.

Hell, I'd buy one with a commercial like that!