Cuckoo for Cocoa

Chocolate lovers: this one's for you.

Yes, you are seeing this correctly. A cuckoo clock...that spits out chocolate. On demand.


Firebox is selling this wonderful $40 ChocoClock online through their UK site, I assume because while those Britons "just gotta have it", Americans just don't want it that badly for forty bucks.

Their ad suggests:

This stylish retro-modern timepiece is a bit like a cuckoo clock but when its shutters open, on the hour every hour, it delivers a scrumptious chocolate treat to the tune of the 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy'. You then have 30 seconds to retrieve your reward before the clock snatches it back.

An ideal gift for the chocoholic with everything, the Chococlock is bound to become a must-have accessory for executive diet-dodgers everywhere. Simply fill it with your favourite bite-size sweeties (Maltesers, Revels, Minstrels, etc) and wait for the big hand to reach that magical number twelve.

For the weak-willed amongst you the Chococlock features a naughty but nice cheat button that will deliver a treat whenever you press it.

Okay. Let's face it. This is, easily, among the top 10 stupid products for the month. Why would I pay for a clock that dispenses chocolate - a clock, incidently, that i have to FILL with said chocolate - when I can just leave the box of chocolate open on my desk? How fat and lazy do you have to be, to want a clock that *dings* and presents you with a nice candy treat, every hour on the hour?

Do you really have such a need for a steady supply of chocolately goodness, that you need a device to set up an automated schedule for eating it?

I do like that the site is somewhat tongue in cheek, recogizing that if you're that much of a candy freak you're probably a moron - and they don't pretend to hide the fact that they're assuming you ARE a moron"

The Chococlock holds about 30 bits of chocolate, so assuming you resist hitting the cheat button you can sit gawping in anticipation for a marathon (or should that be Snickers?) 30 hours. Which is obvious, we know, but if you're loopy enough to sit by a sweet-dispensing clock for that long it's unlikely you can count.

It even has FEATURES, to protect you from yourself: a light sensor, to ensure that it doesn't dispense chocolate in the dark.

Because heavens forbid you should wake up to a small mountain of chocolate by your bedside.