Let's Go [Insert Country of Choice Here]

Assuming you're not some bear-loving wildman living in the Adirondacks where the closest to a television you've seen is your own reflection in a bedpan, you're probably aware that the 2008 Summer Olympics is taking place right now in Beijing.

First. Kudos to the Chinese, that open ceremony was spectacular, and the venues look great. But I gotta say, your skies make New York City's air look like it was imported from Iceland. I'm looking at the buildings, the architecture, and thinking...gee, it'd be nice if you could actually see them from further than 50yards away. Britons are wishing they were back in a London Fog, at least that gave you a little visibility. The last time I saw skies that clouded was in the movie The Fog, and there were giant insect monsters lurking out there.

Me, I'd be walking around with a big ol' can of Raid. I'm just saying.

But, the Games Must Go On, and so they have. And like quite a number of you, I've been sitting there absolutely addicted to everything the Olympics has to offer.

Why the hell am I sitting on my couch, absolutely glued to the set watching Korea vs. Poland in a soccer match when:
a) I have no goddamn idea who any of these people are;
b) I have no interest whatsover in the outcome of this game;
and
c) I don't even LIKE soccer!

And yet, there I am, on the edge of my seat with every out-of-bounds pass.

Water polo?! Why is that even a sport?! a bunch of guys splashing around in a pool, pretending they're playing hockey with a floaty midget basketball. With bathing caps on their heads.

I sat there watching the Women's 100m Butterfly, and thinking...why? gods, why am I watching this? Do I care about swimming as a sport? No! They're bouncing up and down like Flipper, I kept expecting someone to throw them a fish or hear them go "eh-eh-eh-eh-eh". But there I sit, watching like I know allllll about the sport, even going to far as to comment to myself "why's she not pushing off on the turn well?", or "come on, get more extension!" - WTF?

How is it we all become sudden experts in sports we've barely ever heard of, once the Olympics come around? Is there some genetic marker we've all been implanted with, that - by way of extreme example - will make us watch CURLING with the same intensity we'll watch a heavyweight prize fight? It's a rock, being pushed on ice. And guys with brooms, sweeping the path. God help me.

Ooop, I gotta run. Badminton's on, and I don't want to miss Venezuela vs. Poland.